The Beorn identity: more weird search terms

Ace Frehley

Ace Frehley

It’s been too long since my last roundup of weird search terms. Maybe it’s because I seem to get a lot of repeated hits about Ace Frehley and Peter Criss and I don’t feel they’re quite weird enough. But mainly, it’s that I wanted to share only the best with you, my loyal readers and hopeful Googlers.


The lycanthropic

I blog and write about werewolves, so it’s heartening to see that people find this site by searching for such specific topics as “werewolves in manitoba,” ” celtics and wearwolfs,” “songs to help write about werewolves,” and “would i find werewolves in canada.” To which I would answer: 1) read some of my short fiction, 2) learn to spell, 3) read this post, and 4) no: they find you.

A special thank-you to the person looking for “stories about werewolf in my kitchen” — I can’t help you there, but that is one of the best writing prompts I’ve heard in ages.

I also seem to attract a fair amount of mashup searches, such as “teaching beowulf with zombie” (that’s a hell of a T.A., but I’m sure you could get an undead monster to learn the Anglo-Saxon for “brainnssss…”). Or “is that a werewolf or a bear in the hobbit” — my friend, you’re in luck, it’s sort of both, as Beorn is a werebear and he’s one of my favourite characters in the book. (Not the movie. The movie is awful.)

But far and away, the best unrewarded search term has to go to the poor soul looking for “jason beorn.” I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that’s not an autocorrect. That is someone who believes there is or thinks there ought to be a movie about Jason Beorn, an amnesiac werebear on the run from clandestine dwarvish intelligence operatives and raising hell across the Third Age of Middle-earth. HOLLYWOOD, MAKE THIS MOVIE.

The musical

I’ll dispense with folks landing here searching for “lee aaron hot” (I don’t think I’ve blogged about her even once) and get right on to the good stuff. For one: eighties hair metal. I am immensely gratified that someone searching for “faster pussycat song that starts out saying pussy, pussy, pussy cat” found what they were looking for here.

The Lost Boys

The Lost Boys (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

However, I’m not sure I have ever addressed “what does def leppard’s songs have to do with lesbianism.” On the other hand, I think the answer to “ace frehley anomaly better than sonic boom” is addressed in my review of both albums. TL:DR: yes, it is, generally.

I wish I could say the person trying to discover “who made the cry little sister to teen wolf” that they are confusing a great song from The Lost Boys with the forgettable soundtrack to the Michael J. Fox flick Teen Wolf, but then it’s probably my fault for comparing the two movies.


J.R.R. Tolkien

J.R.R. Tolkien

During that great summer when sj over at Booksnobbery (you can read what she’s up to these days at the ever-awesome Insatiable Booksluts) curated an epic readalong of J.R.R. Tolkien’s Middle-earth books, I blogged a bit about that. As a result, I am now apparently the go-to source for the philosophically minded people who wonder “how jrr tolkien changed the world” and the very, very specific query “riddles in the hobbit appropriate consequences for the loser.” Gotta wonder whether ol’ Smeagol isn’t out there at the keyboard somewhere.

Folklore and myth

And while I wish I were clever enough to write theses dealing with the following, I’m going to be succinct instead. “Is superman based on norse mythology?” — no. “Ace frehley: spaced out or out of cash?” — probably both. “How did i watch vikings series wendsdays” — I think you didn’t, since there’s no such day as “Wendsday,” by Odinn.


And gee, do I complain a lot about the writing process? Or at least, my writing process?  You might think so, based on traffic from such searches as “never happy with draft of the novel” and the almost-poetic “other ways to draft a short pants” (I’m guessing the latter was thanks to this.)

And finally…

Someone out there seems to either feel this way about their own blog, or mine: “not weird enough for good search terms.”

Thank you, thank you, users of weird search terms. I may not make your life more interesting, but you certainly do mine.


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